(MON)DAY #19 BEING HUMAN

"Human beings are awful creatures."

At some point, because of someone's comments or behaviour, that thought has probably crossed your mind. God knows, it's certainly crossed mine when I had to deal with a self-centred bridezilla (maybe she was truly just having a bad day).

Still, such encounters grate your nerves and other times, events like that of 3 year old Aylan Kurdi make you despair. It makes you question human nature - are we intrinsically good or evil?

(AP Photo/DHA, File)

Recently however, I've discovered a new Facebook community that helps to remind me that there are good people out there. Humans of Singapore (our Lion City's own version of Humans of New York) has helped to restore my faith in mankind and restore hope that Singapore too can progress to be a more caring society.

Here are some of my favourite humans featured so far. Some of them are folks who have gone through incredible hardship yet maintain an optimistic perspective. Some of them radiate goodness and selflessness. It is both inspiring and comforting so I'd like to shed the spotlight on this community and invite you to follow the page to provide perspective and hope in your own daily life.

To the folks who run this amazing initiative, thank you for giving me hope by shining a light on these unsung heroes. It gives me reason to believe that old mandarin saying:

人之初，性本善。 People are born good.   Even if we sometimes lose our way.

(MON)DAY #18 The Bidding System & Science of Love

Me: "It is ok... never mind."

Friend: "You turned away from my bid!" 

It struck me that I wasn't practising what I "preached". I gave up on trying to explain myself when a friend of mine didn't really understand what I was driving at during a conversation. This came soon after I shared this article with her. When she said that, I stopped myself in my tracks and continued the conversation, mustering the energy to be kind even though my initial reaction was to clam up and escape.

"There are two ways to think about kindness. You can think about it as a fixed trait: either you have it or you don’t. Or you could think of kindness as a muscle. In some people, that muscle is naturally stronger than in others, but it can grow stronger in everyone with exercise. Masters tend to think about kindness as a muscle. They know that they have to exercise it to keep it in shape. They know, in other words, that a good relationship requires sustained hard work."

 -- Master of Love 

Making requests for connection is known as "bids". One can then "turn toward" or "turn away" from the bids. It makes me reflect upon myself the number of times I have turned away from bids from friends, family and loved ones because I am "busy" and "pre-occupied" with my own thoughts, feelings or business. I have also begun to pay more attention to people who respond to my bids and show up whenever I need them. 

Sometimes, it is hard because we all have our different priorities in life and own sh*t to take care of. How do you give your time and attention up for another person or people? 

So you learn. You will learn when you open up, communicate and let the other person know. My friend telling me blatantly that I was turning away from the bid made me more self-aware. 

Another friend of mine tried keeping count of her bids secretly without her partner's knowledge by keeping track of the frequency of her bids, the number of times her bids were received and responded to and how often she reacted to her partner's bids. She then shared her experiment with her partner after a week. Sometimes we avoid scientific approaches to love and relationships because they are counter-intuitive. You may wonder, why does one need to read, learn, test and invest when it comes to the matters of heart. I have no studies to back this up, but I believe for most of the things to do, when we want to make it work,  we usually try to execute it in an effective and intelligent way. 

"The issue of marrying intelligently is not more systematically addressed at a national and personal level, as road safety or smoking are," wrote The Philosophers' Mail.   I will not claim that I know what constitutes marrying the right or wrong person (definitely not in my capacity!), but I agree that sometimes knowledge and a continuous quest to understand yourself and your prospective partners / loved ones better are terribly important. 

"Presently, we marry without any information. We almost never read books specifically on the subject, we never spend more than a short time with children, we don’t rigorously interrogate other married couples or speak with any sincerity to divorced ones. We go into it without any insightful reasons as to why marriages fail – beyond what we presume to be the idiocy or lack of imagination of their protagonists," said The Philosopher's Mail. 

While I am in no place to determine or to recommend what is right or wrong way of loving but i guess, there is really no harm in taking a more scientific approach sometimes in our relationships with people around us as my "bidding" experience has shown.  

So, this is my bid to our readers. Will you turn away or turn toward the bid? :) 

(MON)DAY #17 OLD IS GOLD

"Out with the old, in with the new".

Ever heard that saying? It seems to sum up most things these days. New is fun and fresh, there's no denying that. But sometimes it feels like we are in a never ending race to have the latest - whether it is fashion or tech.

Here's a thought - old is gold.

There's something to be said about understanding our past so we can appreciate our future better. So much of what we do now is built on the works of others. 

Here are a few things I'm doing to show some love to the past. What about you? 

1. How Rock & Roll came to be

Before the hair bands of the 80s, rock & roll originated in 1940s & 1950s, Southern United States, as a melting pot of different musical styles - blues, jazz, country music and more. 

Instead of the latest top 40 hit, maybe try a crash course through the ages with Spotify's playlists on your morning commute. Maybe it'll bring a smile to your face like it did mine.

2. Watch a classic at The Projector Singapore

Catch Hitchcock's classic Vertigo at The Projector Singapore, a dedicated independent theatre located at the historic Golden Theatre (Golden Mile Tower). 

If Hitchcock isn't your flavour, there's also Fight Club and other independent films like Taxi Tehran that you won't find at the regular cinemas.

I recently watched Ex Machina at The Projector and had a great experience, and will definitely be back. A good way to top off the evening is to sate your appetite with Thai food round the corner at Golden Mile Complex before or after, and treat yourself to caramel popcorn with your movie tickets. 

3. Read a classic...and not on a Kindle

The Kindle is a great invention but there's something about holding a book in your hands, feeling its weight, feeling the texture of the paper as you turn the pages. 

When was the last time you read a classic or picked up a book at an actual bookstore?

Need some inspiration? Check out The Telegraph's list of 100 novels everyone should read.

4. Watch a history documentary

I never studied History at a Junior College level and have found, through conversation with others, my Secondary school history education sorely lacking. The world's history is endlessly fascinating and sheds light on the legacy of some current issues that the world continues to contend with.

Thankfully, YouTube has an abundance of documentaries available for viewing - from those on The Romanovs, the last Russian Imperial dynasty, to the King James bible first produced in 1611. 

If you prefer something more modern, the VICE channel is a favourite of mine. 

5. Take a walk down an old street

Disconnect and just walk, like how we used to. 

What's something old that you love doing?

Please leave a comment and share it with us!

(MON)DAY #16 Fuss-free Morning Make-up Routine

I went without make-up for a couple of days last week. It felt good, much better than anticipated. However, for those days, when you feel like you have to put something on, in preparation for the battle ahead, yet dread the fuss, we have something special for you this week.

I’ve always liked the rosy flush on Phyl’s face. Ain’t it gorgeous? She usually takes less than 10 minutes to put her make up on. We decided to do a little tutorial for the fuss-free and 5-minute morning make-up routine. We are no beauty bloggers, so the takeaway is experiment, explore and discover a quick make-up fix that is catered to your skin and complexion! 

Watch the video and take a leaf from Phyl's morning routine. 
This is what she has to says: 

Everyday Look:

Avène Thermal Spring Water 


You can buy it at any Watsons or Guardians in a variety of sizes and they often sell them in value twin-packs.

• Tip: I buy the small 50ml ones for use on-the-go since you can also use it after make-up, to help hydrate skin. Plus it feels super refreshing in our hot, sticky and humid weather.
• Tip: You should always pat it in to help your skin absorb. If you just leave the mist on to ‘air-dry’, you’ll end up de-hydrating your skin instead

Laniege BB Cushion Pore Control with SPF50

I’ve been using the #21 Natural Beige but probably should switch to #23 Sand Beige. You can buy it in-stores at Laniege boutiques or on Luxola for SGD59.

• Tip: Alternatively you can get it on Qoo10 for SGD38.90 (get one plus an additional refill;We make no guarantee on behalf of the seller but I have bought from this guy and it went without a glitch.

L’Oreal Superliner Black Laquer

I’ve been using it for years and really love its value for money. I use it everyday and it lasts for 2-3 months.It has a felt tip end that feels and should be used more like a brush (instead of a pen).

Shake well before use and it’ll go on inky black. When it doesn’t, you know it’s time to switch to a new one.You can find it in almost every supermarket/pharmacy in Singapore - NTUC, Watsons, Guardian etc. Typically retails for about SGD20.

• Tip: If you want a winged eyeliner look, start with the wing and work your way backwards. Ideally you want your wing to look continuous from your bottom eye-line. Mark out your wing and then fill it in. I’ve been doing it every day for years so I no longer mark it out so precisely and just go by ‘feeling’. Sometimes the two eyes don’t look exactly the same but I don’t get fussed about it!

Bodyshop Lip & Cheek Stain

I got the special edition Lip & Cheek doll last Christmas, but it’s essentially the same as their normal lip & cheek stain. Gives a great rosy glow so I don’t look like a zombie and takes a minute to apply. Retails for SGD24.90 at all Bodyshop stores.

• Tip: since this is meant to look like a natural rosy glow, there’s no need to be too precise about the application. Great for a short morning routine!

‘Night’ look:

Use same products except for the lip and cheek stain, plus these:

ZA Perfect Fit ConcealerI use this to conceal dark eye circles, currently using shade #2, which seems to work well for me.I’ve used other concealers before but this seems to work best and for the best price. Retails for about SGD15 in most Watsons, Guardian, etc.

You could use a brush to apply (which I suppose is the correct method) but using my fingers is a lot more fuss-free.

• Tip: to conceal dark-eye circles, apply concealers in a triangle area under the eye, then blend out. Excess concealer can be applied to the bridge of your nose to act as a highlighter

Bare Minerals Matte Foundation with SPF15Apply with a kabuki brush. I currently use shade Medium Beige.This provides light coverage without making you feel like you’re clogging your pores with heavy product.Available at Sephora for about SGD50-60.

Sleek Makeup Face Form Palette
This is a 3-in-1 palette with a darker contour shade, lighter shade for highlighting and a peachy blush shade with a bit of a golden glow. I am currently using the ‘Light’ palette.

I’ve found this to be really easy to use and affordable and non-intimidating to use because it’s powder-based and doesn’t require heavy blending to work.

Apply the contour shade just below your cheekbones (suck in to find it), highlighters to bring out your cheekbones (or generally wherever the light hits your face) Retails for SGD22 on Luxola.

• Tip: purchase the Stigma F05 small contour brush to use with it. Also available on Luxola for SGD29 

Etude House eyelash curler and Maybelline mascara
Apparently Etude House has 2 different curlers - for girls with single eye-lids and double eye-lids. The double-eyelid one works fine for me, but if anyone uses the single eye-lid one, I would love to know if it makes a difference in the process.

Maybelline produces the best mascaras IMO. I used the Big Eyes one which has a different brush for the upper and lower lashes (available for SGD23.90 on Luxola or at Watsons, Guardian etc).

Personally though I think I prefer the Rocket Volum’ Express one (available for $19.90 on Luxola at at all other Watsons, Guardian, etc) so I’ll probably switch out when Big Eyes is used up.

Nyx Matte Lipstick in MSL10 in Perfect Red

I have a number of lipsticks from Bobbi Brown, Revlon, etc. Nyx is one of my favourite brands. Their lipsticks generally retail for about SGD10 and are great quality — moisturising and great pigmentation. This shade is the perfect blue-toned red and a great dupe if you find the Chanel Rouge Allure Matte a little too pricey and too drying (I find this a little more moisturising). 


Final Tip: Nyx Mattifying Spray - I normally use this to set my make-up and help keep a lid on the shine that seems to be unavoidable in our climate. Unfortunately Sephora no longer carries it (WTF?!) so to Qoo10 I will go.

***

A good friend also shared her tip of getting those envy-inducing, bouncy curls without going to the haste of perming your hair or blow-drying in the morning. This is magic. 

I’ve yet to perfect the techniques of using these rollers. You can get a pack of these rollers at Sasa at an affordable of around SGD6.50 and have fun with them. Let us know if you figure the best way to use these sponge rollers! 

(MON)DAY #14 A piece of advice from me to me

2015 has been a year of reflection. Reflecting, musing and sometimes even surprising myself at how I've changed and the journey I've taken.

When I was 21, the world seemed limitless, infinite, my oyster, yet also terrifying and unknown. Every decision seemed to hold immense power over my future, whether in career, love or life in general.

Snapshots from my 21st birthday party. Young, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed.

Over the years, I've made some good decisions and some that didn't work out the way I wanted them to. I wonder at how things have changed and stayed the same after 6 years. I wondered what piece of advice I would have told my 21 year-old self. I wondered what others would have said to themselves.

And so, I asked myself and my friends. The common theme we found?

1. Listen to yourself.
2. Do what you want to do, take those risks! 

Don't take our word for it though. Here's what was shared.
(None of them knew what the others had said so each piece of advice comes independent of others, based on their own life experience,)

Phyl, 27: "Embrace that side of you that's a bit of a free spirit, ignore those who tell you to stick to what's known. So what if life in that traditional big corporation is not for you? The best thing you can do for your career and life is to follow your heart and trust your instincts about what makes you happy."

S, 32: "Don't listen to what anybody tells you. The people you think know something, don't know anything. We're all just making it up as we go along."

From dutchessroz.com

Siying, 27: "Lose control and make mistakes. Don't mitigate risks to construct the perfect world in your head. Dare to break your own heart."  

C, 29: "Be more assertive. Love yourself more because no one will love you more than yourself and do what you want because you are only young once."

SL, 37: "Enjoy your youth to the fullest. Do what you want to do. Travel and see the world before commitment starts to weigh you down."

MY, 29: "Save more, read more, travel more."

Print by UrsulaSaysHello

C, 27: "Fuck school, don't chase paper, don't do internships. Instead, travel more, do part-time jobs in bars and cafes and at media events and everything. Don't get involved with boys/be in a relationship either. Now that I'm older and am so entrenched in the corporate rat race, I wish I didn't spend my early 20s trying to get ahead and my hands in."

By Philip Tseng, available on iam8bit

CW, 27: "Meet more people when I'm young and try harder to keep the right ones as friends. It's harder to make friends when you're older."

ML, 29: "Don't spend on a lavish 21st birthday celebration."

R, 29: "Spend some time figuring out what you want to do with your life and start realising it early."


What would you tell your 21 year-old self? Have you been following your own advice? 

(MON)DAY #13 Let's Be Honest

When I started on my (MON)DAY journey, I never thought that it would be easy or that I'd be able to commit to every thing that we shared. Still, having checkpoints and a chance to reflect on what I have managed to do (and what I didn't) seemed like a great idea and great way to pat ourselves on the back and say, "Well done, you did make a change!".

In the spirit of being honest, here's our progress report.

Like you, we failed on some, succeeded on others and performed mediocrely sometimes.

But that's ok. It's all a journey anyway and we're only human (which is also why we haven't been posting. Sorry!). I hope our honest sharing about our progress will help you on your journey too.

(MON)DAY #12: It is ok not to be ok.

I've literally just gulped before I start typing on this blank canvas. 

This is an extremely difficult topic to write. My heart is pounding quite hard. I have no idea how this will turn out. This is unlike our usual musings about self-improvement and productivity hacks. It is about something that I know people around me are facing and I might even have brushed shoulders with. 

***

Have you ever felt like you might be depressed or deeply unhappy? 

People think that depression is a big word -- taboo, intense and distant. 

I read this and it is leading to this spiralling of thoughts.

In university, I made a presentation about journaling in Corporate Communications 101 class. I advocated journaling because I have identified it as a way to help me remember crucial events and moments -- happy, sad and funny. One of the examples I gave was how I actually captured a tragic story that happened and the lessons that taught me in my journal. Someone I knew ended his life. I choked slightly when I talked about that incident. 

My presentation received very mixed reviews. Classmates came up to me, telling me that it was a great speech and presentation - they were moved and they felt like crying. My professor gave me a B+. She struggled to explain why she gave me that result but it was something to the effect that it might have been too emotional or intense. 

"Is it? But this is REAL",  I wanted to stand up for my views. (i was an innocent kid then otherwise it would have been"this is FUCKING REAL").

I did not raise my voice or protest, of course. I slithered away, feeling disappointed. That was the moment I realise people are uncomfortable with confronting sad things, imperfection and confusion. They don't want to talk about it or hear about it. 

This gets amplified on our social channels - places where we construct our self-identities. No, there is nothing wrong with building an image for yourself. Sometimes, yes, we just want to capture the beautiful and significant moments in our lives through photos. Those are real moments as well. 

Yet don't you often catch yourselves expressing Instagram envy? 

No one's life is perfect. That's the utter truth. 

We see the gorgeous couple in the perfectly manicured Instagram shot looking like they are so bloody in love - the girl with the tousled locks kisses the boy with the sparkling blue eyes - but when was the last time they shared a good, ol' emotional hug? 

"Everyone presents an edited version of life on social media. People share moments that reflect an ideal life, an ideal self. And all that we are consuming are but carefully curated half-truths that perhaps, we all take too seriously." - ESPN on #LifeUnfiltered

In recent months, I have heard people around me telling me that they are not happy and that they feel empty and somehow, they think they are very much alone in this. We aren't. I'm told I'm innately quite an optimistic and resilient character but I have had my dark days and moments.

I have no magic formula. Everyone has their own coping mechanism.
For myself, it is cry, cry, cry, write, write, write, bend, bend, bend, walk, walk, walk, talk, talk, talk and then laugh, laugh, laugh. For importantly, don't run away from the dark moments and don't be afraid to reach out and seek help.

Sit with your feelings and tell yourself it is ok not to be ok. 

Spaces #1: B is for Brighton

Spaces is a new series covering places (a workspace, a studio or even a city) that inspires or encourages creativity and entrepreneurship. Know of one that would be perfect for this series? Drop us a note at thelittlesparkofmadness@gmail.com

-

I recently visited Brighton, a seaside city on the south coast of England. What struck me was that despite its small size (a city of 160,000), it has a vibrant independent culture that punches above its weight. 

How does a small city have such vibrancy and audacity to dream and create? 

For Brighton, the answer seems to span history, culture, and the population it attracts and cultivates.

Brighton's history of arts and culture (and sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll) started with the Prince Regent, a patron of the arts who came to Brighton in 1783 and accelerated its growth with parties and gambling. In 1815, he commissioned the Royal Pavilion, his "seaside pleasure palace", where he had liaisons with his older lover and secret wife, Maria Fitzherbert.

Scandalous.

Since then, Brighton has become an open-minded city whose mantra appears to be 'Live and let live'.

Its gay pride parade 'The Brighton Pride Festival' is one of the UK's biggest and most flamboyant. It is a colourful celebration of diversity and will be ringing in its 25th anniversary this August with, well...pride and aplomb, as they do every year.

Photos by David Myers Photography

The city's liberal outlook is not limited to just sexuality. It spills over to politics too - in 2010, it elected Britain's only Green Party MP.

Brighton's network of top universities (University of Brighton, a top arts university, and the Brighton Institute of Modern Music) also means a constant influx of youth.

In summary, free spirits, artists and the young flock to Brighton; their experimental and open disposition means exploration of alternative businesses. Society's ability to accept alternative views and lifestyles means that people are more willing to try new things. Together, that has allowed the independent business scene to bloom. 

Here's a spotlight on some of Brighton's Independents

Small Batch Coffee Company

Listed as one of the top 50 coffee shops in the UK by The Independent, this Brighton-based coffee company is committed to providing customers the finest quality green, sustainable and Fair Trade beans. You can buy their roasted beans either online or enjoy a cuppa at one of their eight Brighton locations (not bad for a company that began roasting in 2007).

Boy Parker and The Illustrated Mind

Boy Parker is a store that specialises in teeshirts from independent brands. I've visited them twice in my visits to the city and they consistently have great, quirky and fun designs. In 2010, they went on to launch The Illustrated Mind, a teeshirt design label/collective that aims to represent emerging illustration and design trends and talent.

Boy Parker provides the perfect testing ground for The Illustrated Mind's latest designs, allowing the team to curate their collection to its best-selling form and offer it to other stores. As corporate-speak goes, they've got S-y-n-e-r-g-y. 

The Brighton Open Market

The Brighton Open Market used to be home for the trading of not-so-legitimately-obtained goods. In 2014,  it underwent a major revamp and is now home to 50 of Brighton's producers and creators, focused on local produce and ethical products.  

Their tenants include Foodshed - a social enterprise focused on locally grown or made produce. They offer workshops to help customers learn about the processes and waste that comes with the food they buy. They also run a 'rent a shelf' scheme to allow local producers to sell their goods without incurring unaffordable demands on their limited resources.

The North Laine

You can't talk about independent businesses in Brighton without bringing up The North Laine. Filled with cafes and various independent boutiques, it's a definite must-visit to soak in the bohemian vibe of the city.

(MON)DAY #11: No such thing as too many shoes

A few weeks ago I wrote about buying time instead of material things. By and large I am adhering to that but shoes are my achilles heel (no pun intended).

When I was a child, I used to get dressed up in my mum's or mum's friends clothes. I was about 4 or 5 when I slipped on my first heel (it was about 4 sizes too big and I only wore it for about 5 seconds).

I bought my first pair of high heels when I was 15 and worked a pair of knee-high gladiator wedges through much of University. Which incidentally led me to become friends with the only other girl in school to wear similar ridiculous yet fabulous footwear.

On my 21st birthday, my ever practical friends bought me two shoe wheels. I filled them up and fulfilled my commitment to never let them go till I moved to a smaller place that couldn't accommodate them.

The point is, I really love shoes. All 43 pairs that I currently own.

4 of 43 pairs.

When the article of Miranda Kahl and her work uniform popped up a while back, someone suggested I try out a capsule wardrobe. I would say I dismissed the idea like an calm and collected adult, but my inner reaction was completely aghast - how, what, and most importantly, why would you wear the same thing to work for 3 years?! 

Miranda Kahl in her work uniform.
Courtesy: Max Ahlborn

Lately however...the idea seems to have taken root (also partly brought on by another shoe buy). 

Like most people, I notice that ~80% of the time, I'm only wearing ~20% of my wardrobe. 

So, maybe this could work? I could have less things cluttering up my life, and really get maximum use out of the things I do own. 

Some people go as far as having a 10 item capsule wardrobe, some 33 pieces across 3 months (see Project 333). My fashion challenge is less extreme - I'm going to start with downsizing my shoe collection first, by getting rid of shoes that I don't love or don't quite fit. 

Then, it'd be the (slightly frightening task) of creating an all-seasons capsule wardrobe master list, like what Laura (thelovelylauralife.com) has done. This will help me figure out what my capsule wardrobe's magical number is. 

If  you'd like to join me on my journey, here are some general tips from capsule wardrobe experts:

1. Start by getting rid of everything you don't love

Think of it as a therapeutic purge where you get rid of things that don't fit, don't love or haven't worn in a while.

These don't fit. They're also not mine.

2. Creating that master list of things that you need 

Make a list of all the things your master wardrobe would have, and what you would need to get to complete it. Since we live in tropics, there isn't really a huge need to think about dual-season (hot and cold) clothing that can be layered.

Nonetheless, I do travel so I have some cold-weather items lying around (leather jacket, coat, etc) but I won't include those in my master list. 

3. You don't need to do an 10-item wardrobe. Find your own number

The objective of a capsule wardrobe is not to follow an arbitrary small number, but to learn to live with less, or not more than you need to.

4. Get going! 

Stop thinking about it and just try. Good luck! 

(MON)DAY #10 "We are not at the same stage."

I'm at this awkward/wonderful stage of my life whereby a few of my friends are transitioning or have transitioned into roles that I'm completely foreign to (or so I thought). On the surface, I feel like we are very different. It seems like we are quite out of touch with one another's lifestyles, values, experiences and priorities.

This will sometimes lead to some slight awkwardness on my end. For instance...

What do I say to a friend who is pregnant or going to give birth? What do I say to a friend who is immersed in her first few months of marital bliss and preparing dinner for the husband who may come home any minute? Should I excuse myself or should I stay on and watch their happiness unfold before me voyeuristically? I'm ill-equipped to give any advice or provide any relevant support. There are no anecdotes that I could share, no examples I could give...I'm...at my wits' end!

These are hurried streams of thoughts that will bombard me.  I appear like a cool chick to my friends -- at least I think I do except that one time when I met my pregnant friend, I smiled shyly at her (SHYLY! Can you believe?) and asked tentatively, "Can I touch?"

Last Sunday, I met my friend's baby for brunch. I don't know where I have found that "courage" but suddenly I know how to deal with babies and other things that come along at the other stages of life. (i.e. wifely and motherly duties). It dawned upon me that maybe we are not that different.

My friend, the baby's mother is still as pretty as ever. There is a glow on her face that you can't miss. She looks more radiant than the single ladies.

When I first arrived at the cafe, I was feeling a little out of place. Stroller. Limited walking space. Everyone was hovering around the baby, fussing over the baby. I sauntered in fashionably late, lifted the stroller nonchalantly and kept it out of the way. That was when I realised I was part of the scene that I initially thought was a little chaotic and incredibly out of my league. A few moments ago, I was staring at it, wide-eyed.

The next thing I knew, I did not waver when I took over the baby duties. Where did that ease and confidence come from? The baby's mother told the father to help because I may "drop" the baby. A couple of minutes later, the mother praised me, "Si Ying, you will make a good mother."

Once I stopped putting a fight with things that seem different and out of my comfort zone, things came naturally to me. I instantly put my mother's advice into action -- to talk to babies like they are little adults. I tried to make the baby laugh by being silly myself. It was effortless.

It may be true that what I'm facing is very different from what my married friends are facing. We have all in some way or another witnessed our parents, relatives and older siblings go through what our friends have experienced. It doesn't mean that we need to be similar to be able to connect with our friends who have "moved on" to the next stage of life. Try the following:

1. Do not avoid such social settings.
2. Be normal and be yourself.
3. Finally, enjoy.

There is nothing to be afraid of.  Relish the simple pleasures like watching a baby laugh and be entertained by the chuckles, talking about education and music classes and wondering about travel and fashion...

This little gathering on an ordinary Sunday morning with a baby in the mix was one of the simplest and happiest get-togethers I had in recent times, contrary to my previously held belief.

(MON)DAY #9 Thanks

I turned 27 last Sunday. My celebration was low-key - good food with good company. Yet the realisation that I'm undeniably in my late 20s has made me feel a little anxious; when I was 21, I had an image of what I would be and have at age 27. These days I find myself quite focused on righting what I don't have together and getting stressed about how far away I am from what I think I should be.

Thankfully, I have good friends. One of them gave me a gift - a gratitude journal.

My Gratitude Journal (Thanks to @rynthemean)

The practice of keeping a gratitude journal isn't new - Oprah's been doing it for years - and easy to understand. The rationale: keeping record of things that you're grateful for, forces you to make a conscious effort to appreciate the positives in your lives. It's a reminder that things aren't all gloom and doom and that there are others out there who contribute to your life and happiness.

From Oprah.com

I'm not really sure how this will work for me, but I've decided to give it a go, starting with one of my favourite things in the world - food.

As I penned down some of my favourite dishes, I genuinely did feel a little less blue about the weekend ending. I felt thankful for having experienced these gastronomical treats and I savoured memories of my first visit to Meat Liquor in the UK (happy to report they'll be opening up in Singapore this month and I've an entire cookbook of their recipes to try), evening dinners when my mother made delicious oxtail stew, and the joy of chocolate...

If you're interested in getting started on a gratitude journal, here are some of the best practices that may help you reap the most rewards:

1. Make a conscious decision to be happier and grateful. You shouldn't be listing these things down just for the sake of it.
2. The longest list doesn't win. It's not a contest where the person that has the longest list wins. Listing down 1 or 3 things that ring true and deep is better than 10. 
3. Not all things are equally impactful. Apparently, focusing on people to whom you're grateful is better than focusing on things, and unexpected surprises (good ones of course) tend to result in stronger levels of gratitude. 
4. No stress, you don't have to do it every day. Once or twice a week works just as well, since you're less likely to 'burn out'. 

The journal I received has a bunch of lists you can complete or empty pages for you to write freely. You can get something similar from Kikki.K here. Alternatively, just grab an empty notebook and start!

For those who prefer something digital, you can try out an online gratitude journal Thnx4 by the UC Berkeley Greater Good Science Center. It comes with email reminders and you have the option of keeping it all private. You should know that using Thnx4 means that the data you provide may be used by the centre in their research on social and emotional well-being, which hopefully means more tips and tools for the rest of us to lead happier lives. Participation is voluntary and your data is kept anonymous, but you can opt out at any time!

Not for you? Then maybe try out mobile app Get Gratitude (available for $1.99 on the App Store)  or Happier (free for download here on the Play Store).

Fingers crossed on giving thanks!

(MON)DAY #8: A half-read book is a half-finished love affair.

“A half-read book is a half-finished love affair."

- David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas

This year, I set a simple goal for myself – stop accumulating, start completing.

This is my stack of half-finished books and oh, to add on to that, I bought a Kindle last year (or was it the year before?) Did I fully utilise my Kindle? No, in fact, it is lying sadly on my desk - pitiful little electronic thing that has now run out of battery life. (I love it; it is a nifty little thing. It can't replace good ol' books though.) 

Outside work, I have plenty of interests -- outside the sphere of control, that's when I go haywire. Sometimes I get distracted by new ideas that spring up in my head and will somehow not be able to see to the end of some side projects that I have conceptualised. 

I set a few guidelines for myself.... 

1. I try not to buy new stuff, or sign onto the new 'activities'. Every time I am tempted to do so, I will question myself, will this add to the clutter in my room (which could potentially mean inner clutter as well)? If yes, then I won't subscribe to it. 

2. Do I really need to make this trip? It is so easy to decide to spend some money and make an escapade, but do I really, really need it? Will it add to my anxiety when I realise I have overspent? I love travelling, but as I have written before, travelling is a mindset. 

3. Start a bullet journal. The task list gets daunting and it stays. So it will leave you with no choice, but to tackle them. 

4. De-clutter everything and everywhere. I admit, this is still a work-in-progress. No, you don't get a view of my room. 

5. Finish all my books and stop buying new ones (The latter is really hard to keep to. I mean... how can I resist? What I do to manage and reconcile this desire to buy books, is to read the new books first and complete them!)

6. Think you are a perfectionist?  Ignore that, stop putting yourself on a pedestal.  Learn to let go. 

7. Ruminate less... According to a Fast Company article, a lot of times, we are ruminating over failures, and we let negativity overwhelm us and that stalls our progress. For me, in particular, I ruminate over the ideal of the task completion way too much than the actual execution. It is akin to a scenario of a kid thumbing through the pages of the textbook to see how much more he/she has left to go before the chapter is completed.  So, simply start doing. 

8. Work with people / surround yourself with people and friends who are the complete opposite of that; they are sticklers for deadlines and timelines and are just unbelievably disciplined. 

Yes! I'm done with the blogpost. One task off the checklist! I can sleep more soundly tonight. ;) 

P/S: That said, some things and affairs are not meant to be completed. If they suck, they suck.