I'm at this awkward/wonderful stage of my life whereby a few of my friends are transitioning or have transitioned into roles that I'm completely foreign to (or so I thought). On the surface, I feel like we are very different. It seems like we are quite out of touch with one another's lifestyles, values, experiences and priorities.
This will sometimes lead to some slight awkwardness on my end. For instance...
What do I say to a friend who is pregnant or going to give birth? What do I say to a friend who is immersed in her first few months of marital bliss and preparing dinner for the husband who may come home any minute? Should I excuse myself or should I stay on and watch their happiness unfold before me voyeuristically? I'm ill-equipped to give any advice or provide any relevant support. There are no anecdotes that I could share, no examples I could give...I'm...at my wits' end!
These are hurried streams of thoughts that will bombard me. I appear like a cool chick to my friends -- at least I think I do except that one time when I met my pregnant friend, I smiled shyly at her (SHYLY! Can you believe?) and asked tentatively, "Can I touch?"
Last Sunday, I met my friend's baby for brunch. I don't know where I have found that "courage" but suddenly I know how to deal with babies and other things that come along at the other stages of life. (i.e. wifely and motherly duties). It dawned upon me that maybe we are not that different.
My friend, the baby's mother is still as pretty as ever. There is a glow on her face that you can't miss. She looks more radiant than the single ladies.
When I first arrived at the cafe, I was feeling a little out of place. Stroller. Limited walking space. Everyone was hovering around the baby, fussing over the baby. I sauntered in fashionably late, lifted the stroller nonchalantly and kept it out of the way. That was when I realised I was part of the scene that I initially thought was a little chaotic and incredibly out of my league. A few moments ago, I was staring at it, wide-eyed.
The next thing I knew, I did not waver when I took over the baby duties. Where did that ease and confidence come from? The baby's mother told the father to help because I may "drop" the baby. A couple of minutes later, the mother praised me, "Si Ying, you will make a good mother."
Once I stopped putting a fight with things that seem different and out of my comfort zone, things came naturally to me. I instantly put my mother's advice into action -- to talk to babies like they are little adults. I tried to make the baby laugh by being silly myself. It was effortless.
It may be true that what I'm facing is very different from what my married friends are facing. We have all in some way or another witnessed our parents, relatives and older siblings go through what our friends have experienced. It doesn't mean that we need to be similar to be able to connect with our friends who have "moved on" to the next stage of life. Try the following:
1. Do not avoid such social settings.
2. Be normal and be yourself.
3. Finally, enjoy.
There is nothing to be afraid of. Relish the simple pleasures like watching a baby laugh and be entertained by the chuckles, talking about education and music classes and wondering about travel and fashion...
This little gathering on an ordinary Sunday morning with a baby in the mix was one of the simplest and happiest get-togethers I had in recent times, contrary to my previously held belief.
This will sometimes lead to some slight awkwardness on my end. For instance...
What do I say to a friend who is pregnant or going to give birth? What do I say to a friend who is immersed in her first few months of marital bliss and preparing dinner for the husband who may come home any minute? Should I excuse myself or should I stay on and watch their happiness unfold before me voyeuristically? I'm ill-equipped to give any advice or provide any relevant support. There are no anecdotes that I could share, no examples I could give...I'm...at my wits' end!
These are hurried streams of thoughts that will bombard me. I appear like a cool chick to my friends -- at least I think I do except that one time when I met my pregnant friend, I smiled shyly at her (SHYLY! Can you believe?) and asked tentatively, "Can I touch?"
Last Sunday, I met my friend's baby for brunch. I don't know where I have found that "courage" but suddenly I know how to deal with babies and other things that come along at the other stages of life. (i.e. wifely and motherly duties). It dawned upon me that maybe we are not that different.
My friend, the baby's mother is still as pretty as ever. There is a glow on her face that you can't miss. She looks more radiant than the single ladies.
When I first arrived at the cafe, I was feeling a little out of place. Stroller. Limited walking space. Everyone was hovering around the baby, fussing over the baby. I sauntered in fashionably late, lifted the stroller nonchalantly and kept it out of the way. That was when I realised I was part of the scene that I initially thought was a little chaotic and incredibly out of my league. A few moments ago, I was staring at it, wide-eyed.
The next thing I knew, I did not waver when I took over the baby duties. Where did that ease and confidence come from? The baby's mother told the father to help because I may "drop" the baby. A couple of minutes later, the mother praised me, "Si Ying, you will make a good mother."
Once I stopped putting a fight with things that seem different and out of my comfort zone, things came naturally to me. I instantly put my mother's advice into action -- to talk to babies like they are little adults. I tried to make the baby laugh by being silly myself. It was effortless.
It may be true that what I'm facing is very different from what my married friends are facing. We have all in some way or another witnessed our parents, relatives and older siblings go through what our friends have experienced. It doesn't mean that we need to be similar to be able to connect with our friends who have "moved on" to the next stage of life. Try the following:
1. Do not avoid such social settings.
2. Be normal and be yourself.
3. Finally, enjoy.
There is nothing to be afraid of. Relish the simple pleasures like watching a baby laugh and be entertained by the chuckles, talking about education and music classes and wondering about travel and fashion...
This little gathering on an ordinary Sunday morning with a baby in the mix was one of the simplest and happiest get-togethers I had in recent times, contrary to my previously held belief.
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