(MON)DAY #23 THE GIFT OF GIVING

It's hard to believe that 2016 is drawing to a close and 2017 is just round the corner.

With Christmas just a few days away, many of us are feeling our nerves cracking under the weight of gifts that we've yet to prepare.

Before you run to Orchard Road for last minute shopping, or click frantically online in search for gifts that will arrive in time for that Christmas dinner, STOP. Take a breath, calm yourself, and consider gifts that will keep giving to others, beyond the one intended recipient.

#SYRIA & #ALEPPO

2016 has been a year of disappointments and tragedy. Nearly five years on, the people of Syria are still fighting and the most recent news from Aleppo was heart-breaking. The world watched as innocent civilians send out final pleas for help, in a city already cruelly marked by devastation and destruction.

Like many others, I was equal parts stunned by the violence and helplessness. Then I decided to do something. I started by signing Amnesty International's petition demanding the safe evacuation of people from Aleppo, joining my voice with others.

This year, S requested that I use the money I would have spent on a gift for him on charity. I decided to donate it to Doctors without Borders, so that those in need can receive medical aid, regardless of their race, religion, gender or political leanings. Their work in Syria has become more difficult, but ever invaluable.

#REDUCE / #RECYCLE
Retail therapy may bring great joy but it also drives huge production, use of resources and waste.

This festive season, why not try supporting alternatives to fast fashion instead?

Instead of buying a piece of fast fashion or retail, try shopping at Dark Horse Vintage instead.

If vintage isn't for you, here are some of our favourite businesses that source for their materials and labour ethnically and consciously:

• For the Yogis and active bunnies - Teeki 
• For the jewellery lover - Article 22 produces lovely pieces handcrafted in Laos from Vietnam War shrapnel
• For the beauty love - Lush 
• For the sun lover - Riz Board Shorts
• For the fashionista - People Tree produces garments made of organic cotton and sustainable materials, using traditional skills that support rural communities

#SUPPORTINDEPENDENTBUSINESSES
The last and the simplest - support your local independent businesses.

Behind every indie is a person (or more) who has poured passion into their business. When you buy from them, trust me when I say that you make their day(s).

By Pastel Fox

Some of my favourite local businesses:

• For fresh blooms to light up someone's home and heart - Bloom Room
• For socially conscious fashion - MATTER, THE MINDFUL COMPANY
• For kids - Sea Apple
• For entertainment - The Projector 
• For men - Gnome & Bow
• For the beauty lover - Allies of Skin 

(MON)DAY #22 THE ART OF SLOW TRAVEL

As an avid traveler, I was eager to see everything, do everything and go everywhere. Hence whirlwind tours such as my ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ inspired Graduation Trip in 2011 where I covered New York, Toronto, New Orleans, San Francisco and LA in three weeks. 

Memorable? Yes.

Restful? No.

Meaningful? The jury is still out on that front.

Since my last frenetic campaign across Europe two years ago (five cities, two weeks, frazzled nerves all around), I’ve changed my habits in favour of slow travel. I have a reasonable amount of annual leave and despite their precious nature, my typical trip now lasts at least five days to a week (a full week, gasp!) in a single location. 

From Bali to Rome, slow travel allows me to savour each city slowly, sate myself carefully and come back more rested.

Here are ten nifty steps to help you get started on the art of slow travel.

1. Location is everything. 

But in a world as vast and diverse as ours, you’re never short of options. The trouble will be deciding. 

Want a beach holiday with a bit of everything - sun, sand, ohmmm and shopping? Book your tickets to Bali.

Looking for exotic adventure in a developing country? Head to Myanmar.

Is art, history and culture more your thing? Pretty hard to beat Rome (but I’m biased).

Are you a city slicker who can never get enough? London! New York! Tokyo!

2. Plan loosely

With at least a week (or slightly less) in a single location, you have plenty of time! Make a list of things that you’d like to do, see, try, taste in the location of your choice. Mark out your ‘must dos’ for special attention (i.e. make sure you do them).

Find out the best times to do these things - mornings are normally the best for temple runs while some restaurants only open for business in the evening. Find out if you need a guide for these things and book them. 

Then, plan loosely. You don’t need to have an excel sheet with an hourly-break down. A good balance would be one to two major activities per day. 

You’ll leave plenty of time to have sleep-ins, long lunches, and wander the city like a local. If you like something and want seconds, you can even go back and get it! 

3. Choose your Companions Carefully

There isn’t a right or wrong way to travel, but everyone has their own style and finding someone who gets it is incredibly important. 

If you haven’t travelled with this person, it’s best to start that conversation on their travel habits (not just what they like to do, but how they like to do it).

That person who must get up at the crack of dawn and requires all to? Out.

How about the one that must plan every single minute of the trip? Out.

The one that needs to be on the move, always? Out. 

The art of slow travel requires company that understands and subscribes to it too. Share this article with them to get the discussion going. 

Of course, you don’t have to travel with a plus one. Going solo is a great option too. 

4. Where to Stay?

They say home is where the heart is, so go with what you like. 

Personally, I like staying slightly out of the center of things - close enough to where all the buzz is, far enough to get a little peace and quiet. 

Tip - if you’re doing a trip longer than a week and am planning to AirBnb it, I like to mix it up with a couple nights at a great hotel at the end. One with amazing beds and sheets is an extra nice treat at the end of the trip that’ll make you feel twice as rested (but not cost an arm and a leg). 

5. Just Do It

As the folks at Nike will say, just do it! That’s the only way you’ll find out if slow travel is for you. 

Bon Voyage! 

(MON)DAY #20 HOW PRIVILEGED ARE YOU?

How privileged are you? 

Do you know the answer to that question? And do you know how much more or less privileged you are in relation to your peers?

I am privileged. I went to a good school with good teachers (along with some weird ones) and never had to worry about not having enough. Most of my friends that I have met through school and those in my social circle are likewise in a similar if not better socio-economic class.

But while I at least have that self-awareness, life shows you all the time that there are many out there who don't.

I urge you to try this experiment out. This a simple but powerful experience to illustrate how much impact things that are out of our control by simple virtue of birth and circumstance can affect the rest of our lives.

Answer a series of questions about your life and take a step forward or backward.
At the end of 35 questions, look at where you stand against everyone else.
That is privilege.

Do it with your friends, but not just your friends. In a country like Singapore where the school you go to influences the diversity of your social network, that immediately skews results.
Do it with your colleagues from all walks of lives, friends of all cultures.
Do it with strangers, if you have the opportunity to.
If you can't, just do it on your own, like I did.

I think it will be a profound experience of discovery.

Here are my answers and my privilege result:

If your parents worked nights and weekends to support your family, take one step back. 

Steps taken so far: 0

If you are able to move through the world without fear of sexual assault, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 0

If you can show affection for your romantic partner in public without fear of ridicule or violence, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 1 step forward

If you have ever been diagnosed as having a physical or mental illness/disability, take one step back.

Steps taken so far: 1 step forward 

If the primary language spoken in your household growing up was not english, take one step back.

Steps taken so far: 1 step forward 

If you came from a supportive family environment take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 2 steps forward 

If you have ever tried to change your speech or mannerisms to gain credibility, take one step back.

Steps taken so far: 2 steps forward 

If you can go anywhere in the country, and easily find the kinds of hair products you need and/or cosmetics that match your skin color, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 3 steps forward 

If you were embarrassed about your clothes or house while growing up, take one step back.

Steps taken so far: 2 steps forward (Personally I think this is a result of the socio-economic group I found myself in. It was a privileged group and there was a lot of upward comparison that made me feel like we didn't have as much. However on hindsight everything I had was more than adequate). 

If you can make mistakes and not have people attribute your behavior to flaws in your racial/gender group, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 3 steps forward 

If you can legally marry the person you love, regardless of where you live, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 4 steps forward 

If you were born in the United States (or in our case, Singapore), take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 5 steps forward 

If you or your parents have ever gone through a divorce, take one step back.

Steps taken so far: 5 steps forward 

If you felt like you had adequate access to healthy food growing up, take one step forward

Steps taken so far: 6 steps forward 

If you are reasonably sure you would be hired for a job based on your ability and qualifications, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 7 steps forward 

If you would never think twice about calling the police when trouble occurs, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 8 steps forward 

If you can see a doctor whenever you feel the need, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 9 steps forward 

If you feel comfortable being emotionally expressive/open, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 10 steps forward 

If you have ever been the only person of your race/gender/socio-economic status/ sexual orientation in a classroom or workplace setting, please take one step back.

Steps taken so far: 10 steps forward 

If you took out loans for your education take one step backward.

Steps taken so far: 9 steps forward 

If you get time off for your religious holidays, take one step forward. 

Steps taken so far: 10 steps forward 

If you had a job during your high school and college years, take one step back.

Steps taken so far: 10 steps forward (I did teach tuition but it was more for extra spending money so I don't count that). 

If you feel comfortable walking home alone at night, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 10 steps forward 

If you have ever traveled outside the United States (or in our case, Singapore), take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 11 steps forward 

If you have ever felt like there was NOT adequate or accurate representation of your racial group, sexual orientation group, gender group, and/or disability group in the media, take one step back.

Steps taken so far: 11 steps forward 

If you feel confident that your parents would be able to financially help/support you if you were going through a financial hardship, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 12 steps forward 

If you have ever been bullied or made fun of based on something that you can’t change, take one step back.

Steps taken so far: 12 steps forward 

If there were more than 50 books in your house growing up, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 13 steps forward 

If you studied the culture or the history of your ancestors in elementary school take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 14 steps forward 

If your parents or guardians attended college, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 14 steps forward 

If you ever went on a family vacation, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 15 steps forward 

If you can buy new clothes or go out to dinner when you want to, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 16 steps forward 

If you were ever offered a job because of your association with a friend or family member, take one step forward.

Steps taken so far: 17 steps forward 

If one of your parents was ever laid off or unemployed not by choice, take one step back.

Steps taken so far: 17 steps forward 

If you were ever uncomfortable about a joke or a statement you overheard related to your race, ethnicity, gender, appearance, or sexual orientation but felt unsafe to confront the situation, take one step back.

Steps taken so far: 17 steps forward 


My final result: 17 steps forward from the starting line
What's your privilege? 

(MON)DAY #19 BEING HUMAN

"Human beings are awful creatures."

At some point, because of someone's comments or behaviour, that thought has probably crossed your mind. God knows, it's certainly crossed mine when I had to deal with a self-centred bridezilla (maybe she was truly just having a bad day).

Still, such encounters grate your nerves and other times, events like that of 3 year old Aylan Kurdi make you despair. It makes you question human nature - are we intrinsically good or evil?

(AP Photo/DHA, File)

Recently however, I've discovered a new Facebook community that helps to remind me that there are good people out there. Humans of Singapore (our Lion City's own version of Humans of New York) has helped to restore my faith in mankind and restore hope that Singapore too can progress to be a more caring society.

Here are some of my favourite humans featured so far. Some of them are folks who have gone through incredible hardship yet maintain an optimistic perspective. Some of them radiate goodness and selflessness. It is both inspiring and comforting so I'd like to shed the spotlight on this community and invite you to follow the page to provide perspective and hope in your own daily life.

To the folks who run this amazing initiative, thank you for giving me hope by shining a light on these unsung heroes. It gives me reason to believe that old mandarin saying:

人之初，性本善。 People are born good.   Even if we sometimes lose our way.

(MON)DAY #17 OLD IS GOLD

"Out with the old, in with the new".

Ever heard that saying? It seems to sum up most things these days. New is fun and fresh, there's no denying that. But sometimes it feels like we are in a never ending race to have the latest - whether it is fashion or tech.

Here's a thought - old is gold.

There's something to be said about understanding our past so we can appreciate our future better. So much of what we do now is built on the works of others. 

Here are a few things I'm doing to show some love to the past. What about you? 

1. How Rock & Roll came to be

Before the hair bands of the 80s, rock & roll originated in 1940s & 1950s, Southern United States, as a melting pot of different musical styles - blues, jazz, country music and more. 

Instead of the latest top 40 hit, maybe try a crash course through the ages with Spotify's playlists on your morning commute. Maybe it'll bring a smile to your face like it did mine.

2. Watch a classic at The Projector Singapore

Catch Hitchcock's classic Vertigo at The Projector Singapore, a dedicated independent theatre located at the historic Golden Theatre (Golden Mile Tower). 

If Hitchcock isn't your flavour, there's also Fight Club and other independent films like Taxi Tehran that you won't find at the regular cinemas.

I recently watched Ex Machina at The Projector and had a great experience, and will definitely be back. A good way to top off the evening is to sate your appetite with Thai food round the corner at Golden Mile Complex before or after, and treat yourself to caramel popcorn with your movie tickets. 

3. Read a classic...and not on a Kindle

The Kindle is a great invention but there's something about holding a book in your hands, feeling its weight, feeling the texture of the paper as you turn the pages. 

When was the last time you read a classic or picked up a book at an actual bookstore?

Need some inspiration? Check out The Telegraph's list of 100 novels everyone should read.

4. Watch a history documentary

I never studied History at a Junior College level and have found, through conversation with others, my Secondary school history education sorely lacking. The world's history is endlessly fascinating and sheds light on the legacy of some current issues that the world continues to contend with.

Thankfully, YouTube has an abundance of documentaries available for viewing - from those on The Romanovs, the last Russian Imperial dynasty, to the King James bible first produced in 1611. 

If you prefer something more modern, the VICE channel is a favourite of mine. 

5. Take a walk down an old street

Disconnect and just walk, like how we used to. 

What's something old that you love doing?

Please leave a comment and share it with us!

(MON)DAY #14 A piece of advice from me to me

2015 has been a year of reflection. Reflecting, musing and sometimes even surprising myself at how I've changed and the journey I've taken.

When I was 21, the world seemed limitless, infinite, my oyster, yet also terrifying and unknown. Every decision seemed to hold immense power over my future, whether in career, love or life in general.

Snapshots from my 21st birthday party. Young, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed.

Over the years, I've made some good decisions and some that didn't work out the way I wanted them to. I wonder at how things have changed and stayed the same after 6 years. I wondered what piece of advice I would have told my 21 year-old self. I wondered what others would have said to themselves.

And so, I asked myself and my friends. The common theme we found?

1. Listen to yourself.
2. Do what you want to do, take those risks! 

Don't take our word for it though. Here's what was shared.
(None of them knew what the others had said so each piece of advice comes independent of others, based on their own life experience,)

Phyl, 27: "Embrace that side of you that's a bit of a free spirit, ignore those who tell you to stick to what's known. So what if life in that traditional big corporation is not for you? The best thing you can do for your career and life is to follow your heart and trust your instincts about what makes you happy."

S, 32: "Don't listen to what anybody tells you. The people you think know something, don't know anything. We're all just making it up as we go along."

From dutchessroz.com

Siying, 27: "Lose control and make mistakes. Don't mitigate risks to construct the perfect world in your head. Dare to break your own heart."  

C, 29: "Be more assertive. Love yourself more because no one will love you more than yourself and do what you want because you are only young once."

SL, 37: "Enjoy your youth to the fullest. Do what you want to do. Travel and see the world before commitment starts to weigh you down."

MY, 29: "Save more, read more, travel more."

Print by UrsulaSaysHello

C, 27: "Fuck school, don't chase paper, don't do internships. Instead, travel more, do part-time jobs in bars and cafes and at media events and everything. Don't get involved with boys/be in a relationship either. Now that I'm older and am so entrenched in the corporate rat race, I wish I didn't spend my early 20s trying to get ahead and my hands in."

By Philip Tseng, available on iam8bit

CW, 27: "Meet more people when I'm young and try harder to keep the right ones as friends. It's harder to make friends when you're older."

ML, 29: "Don't spend on a lavish 21st birthday celebration."

R, 29: "Spend some time figuring out what you want to do with your life and start realising it early."


What would you tell your 21 year-old self? Have you been following your own advice? 

(MON)DAY #13 Let's Be Honest

When I started on my (MON)DAY journey, I never thought that it would be easy or that I'd be able to commit to every thing that we shared. Still, having checkpoints and a chance to reflect on what I have managed to do (and what I didn't) seemed like a great idea and great way to pat ourselves on the back and say, "Well done, you did make a change!".

In the spirit of being honest, here's our progress report.

Like you, we failed on some, succeeded on others and performed mediocrely sometimes.

But that's ok. It's all a journey anyway and we're only human (which is also why we haven't been posting. Sorry!). I hope our honest sharing about our progress will help you on your journey too.

(MON)DAY #11: No such thing as too many shoes

A few weeks ago I wrote about buying time instead of material things. By and large I am adhering to that but shoes are my achilles heel (no pun intended).

When I was a child, I used to get dressed up in my mum's or mum's friends clothes. I was about 4 or 5 when I slipped on my first heel (it was about 4 sizes too big and I only wore it for about 5 seconds).

I bought my first pair of high heels when I was 15 and worked a pair of knee-high gladiator wedges through much of University. Which incidentally led me to become friends with the only other girl in school to wear similar ridiculous yet fabulous footwear.

On my 21st birthday, my ever practical friends bought me two shoe wheels. I filled them up and fulfilled my commitment to never let them go till I moved to a smaller place that couldn't accommodate them.

The point is, I really love shoes. All 43 pairs that I currently own.

4 of 43 pairs.

When the article of Miranda Kahl and her work uniform popped up a while back, someone suggested I try out a capsule wardrobe. I would say I dismissed the idea like an calm and collected adult, but my inner reaction was completely aghast - how, what, and most importantly, why would you wear the same thing to work for 3 years?! 

Miranda Kahl in her work uniform.
Courtesy: Max Ahlborn

Lately however...the idea seems to have taken root (also partly brought on by another shoe buy). 

Like most people, I notice that ~80% of the time, I'm only wearing ~20% of my wardrobe. 

So, maybe this could work? I could have less things cluttering up my life, and really get maximum use out of the things I do own. 

Some people go as far as having a 10 item capsule wardrobe, some 33 pieces across 3 months (see Project 333). My fashion challenge is less extreme - I'm going to start with downsizing my shoe collection first, by getting rid of shoes that I don't love or don't quite fit. 

Then, it'd be the (slightly frightening task) of creating an all-seasons capsule wardrobe master list, like what Laura (thelovelylauralife.com) has done. This will help me figure out what my capsule wardrobe's magical number is. 

If  you'd like to join me on my journey, here are some general tips from capsule wardrobe experts:

1. Start by getting rid of everything you don't love

Think of it as a therapeutic purge where you get rid of things that don't fit, don't love or haven't worn in a while.

These don't fit. They're also not mine.

2. Creating that master list of things that you need 

Make a list of all the things your master wardrobe would have, and what you would need to get to complete it. Since we live in tropics, there isn't really a huge need to think about dual-season (hot and cold) clothing that can be layered.

Nonetheless, I do travel so I have some cold-weather items lying around (leather jacket, coat, etc) but I won't include those in my master list. 

3. You don't need to do an 10-item wardrobe. Find your own number

The objective of a capsule wardrobe is not to follow an arbitrary small number, but to learn to live with less, or not more than you need to.

4. Get going! 

Stop thinking about it and just try. Good luck! 

(MON)DAY #9 Thanks

I turned 27 last Sunday. My celebration was low-key - good food with good company. Yet the realisation that I'm undeniably in my late 20s has made me feel a little anxious; when I was 21, I had an image of what I would be and have at age 27. These days I find myself quite focused on righting what I don't have together and getting stressed about how far away I am from what I think I should be.

Thankfully, I have good friends. One of them gave me a gift - a gratitude journal.

My Gratitude Journal (Thanks to @rynthemean)

The practice of keeping a gratitude journal isn't new - Oprah's been doing it for years - and easy to understand. The rationale: keeping record of things that you're grateful for, forces you to make a conscious effort to appreciate the positives in your lives. It's a reminder that things aren't all gloom and doom and that there are others out there who contribute to your life and happiness.

From Oprah.com

I'm not really sure how this will work for me, but I've decided to give it a go, starting with one of my favourite things in the world - food.

As I penned down some of my favourite dishes, I genuinely did feel a little less blue about the weekend ending. I felt thankful for having experienced these gastronomical treats and I savoured memories of my first visit to Meat Liquor in the UK (happy to report they'll be opening up in Singapore this month and I've an entire cookbook of their recipes to try), evening dinners when my mother made delicious oxtail stew, and the joy of chocolate...

If you're interested in getting started on a gratitude journal, here are some of the best practices that may help you reap the most rewards:

1. Make a conscious decision to be happier and grateful. You shouldn't be listing these things down just for the sake of it.
2. The longest list doesn't win. It's not a contest where the person that has the longest list wins. Listing down 1 or 3 things that ring true and deep is better than 10. 
3. Not all things are equally impactful. Apparently, focusing on people to whom you're grateful is better than focusing on things, and unexpected surprises (good ones of course) tend to result in stronger levels of gratitude. 
4. No stress, you don't have to do it every day. Once or twice a week works just as well, since you're less likely to 'burn out'. 

The journal I received has a bunch of lists you can complete or empty pages for you to write freely. You can get something similar from Kikki.K here. Alternatively, just grab an empty notebook and start!

For those who prefer something digital, you can try out an online gratitude journal Thnx4 by the UC Berkeley Greater Good Science Center. It comes with email reminders and you have the option of keeping it all private. You should know that using Thnx4 means that the data you provide may be used by the centre in their research on social and emotional well-being, which hopefully means more tips and tools for the rest of us to lead happier lives. Participation is voluntary and your data is kept anonymous, but you can opt out at any time!

Not for you? Then maybe try out mobile app Get Gratitude (available for $1.99 on the App Store)  or Happier (free for download here on the Play Store).

Fingers crossed on giving thanks!